Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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