No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
