I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
