Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
