I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
