I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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