on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
