When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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