In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
