Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
