i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
