OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
