i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
