you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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