I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You are a genius and a whore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
