Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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