I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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