if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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