You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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