I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
