i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
