i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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