Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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