pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
