and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
