I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
