I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
