and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
