it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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