Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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