oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Farmville is her only friend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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