gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
