the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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