How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
