Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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