Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
