well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So many bounce houses so little time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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