I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
