the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize