9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
