the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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