Where are you?
In a non slutty way
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
