We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
