I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
