Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
