I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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