I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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