At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
