I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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