So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
