I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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