So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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