he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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