thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
