Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
