"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
