u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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