So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
