He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, beer. Big fan.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
