She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
