this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
