Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
