She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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