Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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