I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
