you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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