There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
