He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
