help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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