I want to have your abortion
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
as a side note pls kill me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
