Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
