my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
