I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
