If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
