I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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