youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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